Don't Ask? Don't Get!
When I was in my last year at school, someone connected with a student exchange programme came and spoke to our class. The more I listened, the more excited I got. And then they mentioned the dollar portion that the student’s families would need to contribute, and I stopped listening. In my head it was a huge amount of money and knowing that as a family we didn’t have much, I took myself out of the game, not even discussing it with my parents and in the process potentially missed an opportunity of a lifetime.
I frequently see the same scenario play out with mid-career high potentials. I had a conversation with a woman just this week about attending one of my programmes. Before we even spoke, she had decided that if she wanted to attend, she would need to pay for the programme herself. Her ass-umption was that her employer would not. And yet she was so highly considered she had recently been persuaded to move from a contract to a permanent position, was continually praised in all corners and at all levels of the organisation for the contribution she made, and was talking with her manager about taking on a greater role in people leadership in the business. And yet she was adamant they wouldn’t pay for a development opportunity to help her further grow her greatness.
There are many reasons we take ourselves out of the game by not asking for what we want:
We make assumptions about the thinking, resources and will of others – effectively making the decision for them
We’re not clear enough on what we want so instead of saying Yes! to a potential opportunity, we prevaricate, and the decision ends up being made for us
We lack the confidence or the language to make the ask and so we take the easy route out and don’t.
But at the heart of these reasons is the fact that we don’t value ourselves, our gifts, our time and our contribution highly enough to ask. We can’t expect others to treat us as worthy if we don’t act as if we are worthy of their faith first. Note I said act not believe! (That is a whole different conversation that we cover in detail on the Growing Greatness Programme!) The question to be asking yourself right now is:
What can I do today that demonstrates my worthiness to myself and others?
Set a boundary? Ask for help? Offer help? Take time for yourself? Slow down? Speak Up? Take a stand? Hold my ground? Be gracious?